A Corny Story
by Jilene Marr
Summary: Mort goes on a trip to the County Fair where he meets people and goes to see the worlds largest cob of corn. Yes, it is a little corny but it's funny to read! Please R&R! One shot.


(A/N Hello Readers! I have brought this very corny story to you! Yes, there are spelling mistakes, and yes I did use notepad (since nothing elese works). I also had to transfer this through one computer to the other and fix it and do this and that just so it would work. Please enjoy the work I put into this and I hope you can find the comady of it. Enjoy )

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**_A Very Corny_**

Mort Rainy sat in his small car and looked out the window to see the country side go past the window. His hair was messy (the way he liked it) and he wore his tattered bathrobe as he drove. He read the sign in the distance, "Ah... County Fair," he said to himself. "I think I'll just check it out."

And he then started to follow the signs to the County Fair... who wouldn't? After a fashion of time he saw the second sign for the fair and at that moment he almost swerved off the side of the road. It was the best thing someone could ever right on the sign and it was enough to convince Mort to going to the fair, "ah! It says that they have the worlds largest cob of corn!" He yelled in excitement as he rubbed his tounge against his braced teeth.

He could tell he was getting close to the county fair when he saw all of the cars pulling into a large dirt parking lot and police officers were directing traffic. It seemed as though he was going over the speed limit in hopes that he would get to the corn quicker, and in turn getting nasty snarls from people.

The ungroomed man hopped out of his car as soon as it was put in park and started to run to the enterance way. "Excuse me, I would like one ticket to get in," he told the lady. She staired at him and waved her hand in front of her face. He had seen that face before! It was the Honey Bunches of Oats lady (you know the one who laughs like a mad man?).

Anyway, she looked at him and said, "Damn! You don't smell so great! That ain't like a mouth fulla joy? God! When was the last time you took a bath?"

Mort sniffed himself, "oh you know, I can't really remember." He had a doppy smile across his face.

She looked like she was getting upset, "Geez you smell like rotting cheese and dog farts! Damn boy! Are you crazy?"

All of a sudden the smile was thrown off of his face, "I'M NOT CRAZY!"

She seemed scared for a moment but then continued, "Are you sure? You must be pretty messed up to smell like that!" She replied.

His voice went into a low whisper so only she would hear it, "if you say I'm crazy one more time i'm going to take my screwdriver and shove it in your eye ball while I dig you're grave and then throw you in it. After that I'm going to eat corn on top of you're grave and I'm going to tell you that I'll be so happy with my Mouth fulla joy."

She looked scared and backed away from him, "ok, here, it's on me. You just go ahead in."

He smiled, "thank you so much ma'am!" Mort then walked into the fair noticed by everyone he walked by. There were people diving to get away from the smell. There was even a women grasphing her nose and yelling something like, "it burns! It burns!"

Then a man eating a corn dog smelled him and dropped it. Noticed it was Mort and ran to him. He took out a small bottle of water and started to throw it on him yelling, "the power of Christ compells you!" Over and over.

Mort took no attention to it and turned to him and asked him a very important question. "Do you know where the corn is?"

The man fainted by him getting so close and Mr. Rainy found it better to go to the information booth.

"Hello, is there any way I can help you? Do you smell that?"

He sniffed the air, "No, well, anyway, do you think that you could tell me where the worlds largest corn is?"

"Hey, do you know that you have something in you're hair?"

Mort than started to feel around his head. _Ok, a little greasy here, oh here's the rats nest in the back_, he started to think and then something alarming happened. "Oh! There's something in there!" He said as he then pulled something out of his head and held it up to the lady.

"Oh my god! That's a rat!" She screamed.

"His names Bob. I haven't seen you in a while. I was wondering where you have been..." Mort started to tell her like it was just a normal thing. "He's been living in the rats nest in the back of my head."

"Well, the corn is in that direction," she said as she pointed to her right.

He nodded, "thank you so much ma'am." He then started put Bob back in his head and continued his way to the cob of corn. At one point he had to go through an area where there were salespeople trying to con people into buying their crap.

"Hello there sir, I see that my product can help you!" A bald man said to him as he grabbed Morts attention.

He smiled, "Really? What is it then?"

"Ahh... you see, its one of the best things that have just hit the market. It's a super sewing kit."

"I don't need one of those," Mort said to him.

"And I disagree. I have noticed a large hold in your... what is that?"

"Are you talking about my bathrobe?"

The man looked puzzled, "is that what it is? Well, I see that you could use this to stich up that large hole and the tattered ends." He then insisted that his rob need to be fixed. No one touches Mort... or his robe.

"Don't touch me!" Mort hollard at him.

"Sir, I insist that-"tabpar tab Mort then started to whisper something in his ear, "if you keep on insisting that you get your way then I am going to insist that I take a nice shovel and smash it into your face. Then i'll cut you up in little pieces and throw you into the lake where I will see your bloody pieces that was once your limbs sink."

The man was quite scared, "oohhh... well, good bye sir. Have a nice day!"

And Mort continued his journey down to the cob o' corn untill something caught his eye. "Ohhhh my!" He said as he pushed his way through the crowed.

"Hello sir, I see that you have a certain liking in my product?" asked the salesmen.

"Oh yes!" Mort said as he started to pick one up.

"You like screwdrivers?" Asked the man.

Mort smiled and started to stroke the screw driver in an odd way whispering to himself, 'my precious.' He then looked up, "ohhhhhhh... and is that what I think it is?"

"Yes! This is the new John Deer Shovel!"

Mr. Rainy ran over to the shovel and crouched on one knee, "Oh what a beauty!" He then picked it up and started to moan with it in his arms.

It was then when the salesmen started to get scared, just like any normal person would do. "Well, sir if you would like you can by them both here today..."

"Stop! Don't tell me what to do!" He then started to whisper in his ear, "if you keep doing this then I'm going to take this shovel and cram it where the sun don't shine and then i'll kill you and..."

"Well... Ummm... you're our lucky winner! You get everything for free!" The man hollard in an attempt to get the man away. He was bad for business plus he was a little screwy.

"Thanks!" Mort said as he started to walk in the direction of the corn. He had a large smile across his face and he had never felt happier in his whole intire life. Not only does he have a new shovel and screwdriver but he's going to go see the largest cob of corn!

Then the one of the most scariest things happened to Mort. A girl yelled at him! Not something mean or horrid but something that he didn't want. Attention. "OH my god! It's Johhny Depp!" She then started to run after him with a large mob of girls.

"We love you Johnny!" One hollard with her arms in the air as she was crying with happyness.

"I want you Johnny!" Another yelled. par tab "I'm pregnent with you're baby!" Yelled one. They all staired at her. "Ok fine! I wish I was anyway!" They all chaced him and Mort finally got away when he hid under a table and they all ran past him.

"Who the heck is Johhny Depp?" He said to himself as he shrugged his shoulders. He then noticed that he had hiden underneath a table where little children were getting their faces painted.

"Hello mister!" Said one and Mort just snarled and started to walk away. His attention was directed by a man you had long black hair and a nose that looked as though it was going to fall off.

"Hello children. Would you like some Jesus Juice? You can come over my house if you want children. Remember Boys first," the man said. Then Johnny... I mean Mort found security and had the man hollard off. There just wasn't anything right about what was going on there.

He started to go to where his destination and when he made it there he smiled. The tent was up covering the corn in which he praised. Mort payed the three dollar cover charge and looked at the corn that was the size of a car. He got down on his knees and started to worship it while people staired at him.

"Oh mighty corn!" He started, "I worship you! You are my czar! You are my love!"

Someone tapped him on the shoulder and Mort looked up at him.par tab "Sir? Do you love corn?"

"It is the one thing in life that makes me happy," he said with a tear in his eye.

The man seemed scared for a moment, "ok... well, would you like to do our corn eating contest? It's free and the winner get a special prize?"

"YES! I WOULD LOVE TO!" An excited Mort said. He then led him to the table where there were monsterious men ready to eat corn. Mort put a corn bib on and sat down next to the huge men. He was the smallest person around and everyone thought that he didn't have a chance. The corn competition was ready to start.

"On your marks! Get set! Gooooo!" Yelled the man as he popped the gun.

They were all eating the corn. One bite at a time while Mort seemed to eat it down like a beaver. Everyone was amazed at him. Slowly one person was out, then two, three, four, all ten contestants were out while Mort had won and kept on eating corn. Overall they stopped him as soon as he had reached 55 cobs of corn even though he said he ate over 100 a day.

"Good job son," said an old man while patting him on the back. "That is some skills!"

"Thank you," he said with a mouth full of corn such in his braces. Who eats corn with braces? Geez!

Many people were praising him when another one of Morts fears came true...

"GET HIM!" Yelled a man in a white coat as he pounced on Mort.

"Noo! Noooo!" He yelled at the man. The large man knocked him to the ground and an other man ran over to them.

"Ahhh... we found him!" He helped the other man put on his strayjacket in no time. "There we go Mr. Rainy, just like new." He said as he started to drag him off.

"Ahhh... we'll take you home now. Everythings going to be all right," the other man said as he then took out a shot and injected it into Morts arm. "That will make you feel better, I promise."

Mort then stopped kicking and screaming and became dazed and limp. They then took him and put them in their special car and before they could shut the doors on Morts face he saw a police car pull up to him and there was someone waving in the back seat.

It was his dear friend, Micheal Jackson. They then closed the door on Mort and the thing he kept saying over and over again was the single word, "corn."

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A/N Thanks for reading this. Please Please Please! Leave a comment for me! Oh, and if you thought this was funny feel free to read my storys on The Village, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Labyrinth, Edward Sissorhands, and Lord of the Rings. Enjoy 


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